Redmond, WA - Microsoft's campaign to deprecate Internet Explorer has not been going well, so they have decided to use more aggressive tactics. Internet Explorer is such a drain on the company that they have concluded it would be better if you just stopped being their customer.
Kent, WA - Space tourism adventure company Blue Origin announced the latest crew to head to space. Among the elite group is SNL star Pete Davidson. It is reported that Pete Davidson still doesn't understand that Blue Origin is not a match-making service for extraterrestrial beings.
Meta announced that it would discontinue its laundry service for employees at its office buildings. The news is tragic for moms whose children are still stuck at home due to CA's exorbitant housing costs. "I already make my son's bed," one Mom lamented.
Cupertino, CA - The Internet is going wild about Apple's decision to bring back the USB-A. To celebrate the achievement, Apple is going to the same playbook they've used with previous headline-grabbing product launches... ...Grammy-award winning band, U2.
