Redmond, WA - Microsoft's campaign to deprecate Internet Explorer has not been going well, so they have decided to use more aggressive tactics. Internet Explorer is such a drain on the company that they have concluded it would be better if you just stopped being their customer.
A Reddit thread claims this new campaign is being driven by the few remaining engineers who have to maintain Internet Explorer's insufferable code base.
"We've all pooled our money together," Jim, the spokesperson of the dev team, said. "We will buy you a Mac. We will send someone over to help you download Chrome. Just please, please, please stop using Internet Explorer."
The team was promised years ago that they would be able to work on other projects at Microsoft. But the sunsetting of Internet Explorer has lasted longer than expected.
"Around here we are all genuinely baffled why people still use IE," a Microsoft Engineering VP said. "We try not to call our users stupid, but c'mon, these ones are special."
We would have gotten more information from the Internet Explorer dev team, but they had to cut the interview short to deal with a critical bug. One of the engineers was heard muttering the serenity prayer as she walked away.