December 23, 2021

Amazon Outage Nearly Makes Rudolph's Red Nose Go Black

Amazon Outage Nearly Makes Rudolph's Red Nose Go Black

Seattle, WA - It probably comes as no surprise that the North Pole uses AWS for its cloud server. What many don't know is that this agreement with Santa Clause has a specific SLA which guarantees wireless connectivity to Rudolph's red nose. The terms dictate that AWS will ensure "standard brightness and connectivity of a single nose" for a minimum of 72 hours from December 24 - December 26.

Rudolph's red nose not only leads the way for the other reindeer, it also doubles as a WiFi Hotspot for Santa's sleigh. Of course, the sleigh is loaded with all the modern logistical tech needed to deliver the world's Christmas presents in a timely manner.

When asked about the Amazon outage this close to Christmas, Rudolph replied with concern. "It's scary, you know. We were doing a rehearsal run and all of a sudden – What?! – my nose goes down. It felt like I was plunged back into the dark ages when the other reindeer would laugh and call me names and not let me play in any of their reindeer games."

When pressed further, Rudolph answered, "No, Reindeer actually don't play Monopoly."

Santa could not be reached for comment, but an anonymous elf told us that quote, "Santa is pretty pissed."

But there is a silver tinsel lining to the story. As a gesture of goodwill for such an embarrassing blunder, Jeff Bezos has agreed to outfit Santa's sleigh with Blue Origin rockets next Christmas.

"We believe Santa is the only one who is better at logistics than we are," an Amazon spokesperson said. "So we definitely don't want to get put on the naughty list."

Due to the rocket boosters, which will be installed sometime in Q1, it means the often overlooked children who live on Mars will finally be receiving Christmas presents under their trees in 2022.

"Yes, duh, of course the trees are artificial," clarified the anonymous elf.

Price Maxwell
Technology Reporter, Product Heartbeat