March 23, 2022

After preventing shared passwords, Netflix uncovers the largest theft cabal in the history of the world

After preventing shared passwords, Netflix uncovers the largest theft cabal in the history of the world

Los Gatos, CA - Netflix's attempt to crack down on password sharing has revealed some eye-opening data about their user base.

"We used to think we had a lot of loyal users," Laura, a member of the growth team, said. "What we learned is that 99% of our users are nothing but dishonest cheapskate bums."

The controversial move to prevent password sharing has upset some of the most loyal -- but not loyal enough to pay for it -- customers.

"When Netflix made this announcement, I was outraged," Drew, a frequent Netflix watcher, stated. "I mean, I don't pay for Netflix, but if I did, I would maybe kinda think about cancelling."

Drew has been sharing a password with his parents for years.

"What? I didn't know Drew was using our account," his dad said. "I kept wondering why Netflix kept recommending episodes of Bridgerton. Shame on him ... on so many levels."

Netflix is now concerned about the future of the world due to the sudden realization that nobody values core societal values like honesty, integrity, or good ol' fashion you-get-what-you-pay-for.

"I think we've single-handedly trained a lot of people that you can actually get quite a bit by paying for nothing," Laura commented.

As for Drew, when really pressed on the matter, he admitted that he would probably pay the exorbitant $9.99 subscription fee, but DEFINITELY NOT because he was excited about season 2 of Bridgerton.